


Gods' Game

by Larkawolfgirl



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Background Ignoct, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:46:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Larkawolfgirl
Summary: Only a child, Luna sells her own soul to the will of gods too powerful for her to understand. It is not until years later, that she begins to understand how valuable human life is.





	Gods' Game

**Author's Note:**

> My computer crashed when I was trying to post this and apparently I didn't save after all of my edits, so I hope I didn't miss fixing anything major

Luna is four when she meets her. The woman is alluring with elegant black hair and mystifying green eyes tinged with red, and she gives off such a comforting, motherly presence that Luna is not frightened in the least by the woman appearing in her bedroom out of thin air. The woman smiles at her, and Luna smiles back, full and toothy and innocent. 

“Hello, Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret of Tenebrae.” Luna giggles at the use of her full title. “My name is Gentiana, and I will be with you from now on. Is that alright?” There is gentleness in the woman’s eyes, and Luna nods without a thought. 

Thus, begins Gentiana’s ever presence in Luna’s life. For several months, Luna fantasizes that this woman that no else seems to see is her guardian angel sent to watch out for her. Only after Luna’s trust in her is assured does the spirit reveal the horrible truth, a truth too dreadful and significant for Luna’s child mind to comprehend. To her, the future seems far away and any death, even her own, cannot be that bad if it is proposed by this beautiful guardian. And so, the child sells her own soul to the will of gods too powerful for her to understand. Agrees to follow their plans to sacrifice two innocents for the sake of countless others. 

She does not know that their lives are nothing but pawns on the gods’ chess board. That human deaths mean nothing next to the pride of winning.

It is not until years later, when she finally meets the boy who she has vowed to steer toward death, that she begins to fathom just what is at stake. She is older now, with more to lose and better able to comprehend the situation. 

Gentiana told her that she would be promised to this prince Noctis, but Luna did not expect to develop such a strong attachment to this quiet, lonely boy. She is compassionate by nature, and she wants nothing more than to alleviate the loneliness he feels. Her powers have awoken some time ago, yet no amount of healing can close wounds of the heart, and so she gives instead what she can: time and encouragement. He is slow to open up to her, but in time they are best friends and Luna forgets for a while that this will ultimately end.

The delusion is broken when he is attacked by a marilith. 

He’s there in a hospital bed, fragile and comatose. It’s at that moment that it truly sinks in how valuable human life is. Extraordinarily, he is still here, but she can now comprehend what it would mean to lose him. It’s a miracle Noctis isn’t dead already, yet she finds herself praying for a greater miracle to keep him alive past the destiny she vowed to help fulfill. Gentiana vaguely told her the two of them will be forced apart, but she decides he deserves to be happy and safe regardless of the role he plays in her life. Something stronger than empathy is pattering inside her young heart, and she realizes she needs to know he is okay. 

She is alone with him and the beeping of his heart rate monitor in the hospital room. There is no one to stop her from climbing onto his hospital bed. Their small bodies fit together as if designed by fate. It’s a strange thought for someone as young as she, and she tries not to focus too much on it as she radiates healing energy out toward him. His tense muscles relax against hers and a soft smile falls onto her face. At least she can do this much for him, as little as it is.

Noctis sleeps for half a year. Luna feels lonely without him even though she still has her mother, brother, dogs, and Gentiana. She spends a lot of time with Noctis at the hospital, reading to him and telling him about everything he is missing. Then, suddenly without warning, the boy groans and opens his eyes. A gasp escapes Luna and she envelops him in a tight hug. Her face presses into his collarbone.

Noctis is stiff within her grasp. “Luna? What--”

“You almost died.” She is crying from her relief.

Tentatively, he holds her back. “But I didn’t.” 

He says that, but flinches a moment later. 

Luna lifts her face to look at him. “Does it hurt?”

There is fear and an emptiness in his eyes. “The marilith.”

“Yeah,” she says quietly.

“I remember.” He shudders. 

“It’s dead, Noct. You’re safe now.”

She can tell her words don’t fully sink in. Unsure what else she can say, she squeezes at his hand. 

He’s more reserved after that. Quiet. They still play in the garden but Noct’s eyes continuously scan the horizon as if searching for some unknown danger. Her heart clenches and her hand often squeezes over his. 

“I don’t want to ever die,” he says out of the blue one day. The words steal all her breath. “It’s scary, thinking about what comes after.” He’s staring at the ground, fists balled tight. 

Luna swallows and nods. Everyone will one day die, but what can she possibly say when she knows how and when their deaths shall come? “The gods are there to take us into their embrace, or so they say.” That is what she has been told since birth. The more she thinks on Gentiana’s request, however, the more she thinks this is nothing but a child’s fairy tale. Would a loving god ask for such a sacrifice?

Noctis kicks at the dirt with his heel. “I guess.” His head is still down. 

“All we can do is hope and live the life we want. Seize the day, right?”

He finally looks up at this. “Yeah.” He gives a small nod, a tight smile. “Okay.” With that, he takes off running down the path.

Later that night, when Luna is sitting in front of her vanity mirror brushing out her long silvery blond hair, she ventures to the gentle angel hovering right behind her, “Why must we die?”

Gentiana’s eyes soften even more than normal and her lips turn downward. It takes a long moment for her to answer and when she does her hand lands on Luna’s shoulder. This is not the first time the messenger goddess has touched her but is still startling to feel that tingling jolt that shoots out from the point of contact. It is cold and warm at the same time, pleasant and painful, calling forth both sorrow and joy. “There are some questions without answers, sweet one.”

For some reason, Luna blushes at the pet name. The tingling has run all the way down her arm by now and Luna decides she likes the feel of it. 

“Some things are out of even the gods’ hands. Some times horrible things just happen whether we like it or not.” Gentiana begins to stroke along her newly brushed hair. “Believe me when I say, though, that I would protect both of you if it were within my power.”

These words linger with her. She repeats them to herself when Niflheim attacks, stealing her mother, Noctis, and freedom away from her. These are the words that keep her going in those small moments when she lets her guard down and loneliness takes hold of her and hope seems nothing but a fanciful dream. It could always be worse she reminds herself. 

She is never mistreated exactly. Never has she been beaten, just forbidden from living a normal life. She is only allowed outside for specific functions (school, public addresses, religious ceremonies, or necessary travels). Her interactions are limited and strained, guards always close behind. 

Her dogs and brother are still with her, though. But with each passing day, Ravus feels further away from her. As she grows more defiant, he grows more complacent. While she hides away in her room with her face pressed into Pryna’s fur, Ravus trains to be the loyal soldier Niflheim tells him to be.

Luna writes to Noctis to pass the time. She writes far more than she reads, but his words carry more weight. His life is so different from hers. He has friends and a father who love him deeply. A small part of her is jealous, but the larger part of her is glad at least one of them can find a piece of happiness.

Then, when they are in that hazy place between childhood and adulthood, Noctis says he’s in love. Not with her but his first friend and advisor.

She has to close the notebook and tuck it away beneath her bed. For an entire day, she just sits there on her bedroom floor, stroking at Umbra’s silky fur. He whines and nudges at her hand, ears twitching in concern. Only when he sniffs at her face does she realize it is wet with tears. 

Love.

Luna’s chest is painfully tight. She still isn’t sure what love is exactly. There is the love she feels for her dogs and the love she felt for her mother and father, but what is this romantic love? 

Eventually, Gentiana comes to her. “What is wrong, child?”

Annoyance takes hold of her, and she raises fierce eyes on the messenger. “I am no longer a child.”

Genitana gives as much a sigh as a goddess can, something that sounds more like wind chimes than a breath of air. “I suppose not. Will you not answer my question?”

“What is love?”

“Love comes in many forms,” Gentiana explains in that sagely way she has. “Love as a concept refers to the desire to have something as your own. Yet, true love, the deep love one develops for another, transcends that. It is not so much a desire to have something, though having is nice, as it is the desire for that person’s happiness. This is the love a good parent has for their child and what many feel when they proclaim they are in love.” 

“Then what is it like to be in love?”

“The state of being in love is not simplistic. Some people love from afar, with no desire for reciprocation, and some have no sexual drive, with many in-between but most often, the feeling of being in love is that point in which love meets sexual craving. You want that person to be happy, but you wish for their happiness to be with you. You want to know them intimately, inside and out. For many, being with that person makes you feel complete.”

Luna digests this information and with it settles clarity. Jealousy has a hold of her, that much is certain, but it is not because she is in love with Noctis. At least, not the kind where she wants him for herself. Perhaps she is only not in love with him because she refuses to be, because she knows feeling so would be nothing but painful. Because they would never be able to be together. What hurts, what she  _ is _ jealous of, is that he has found this feeling of being in love, he has found that missing piece to his life and she has not. 

She feels hollow, like the grip on her chest has crushed her insides. 

She looks at Gentiana with big, watery blue eyes, and the goddess brings a hand to her face. 

“Sweet one, fate has been unkind to you.” 

Her touch is warm and soft, and Luna pushes her face into it. Her eyes slip closed, something like a whine escaping her lips. She can feel breath on her face, a gust of frigid air. Luna shivers. Her face pushes forward and then skin is against hers. Lips, she realizes only once they have pulled away. 

All at once, the turmoil is gone. Her chest is full and lively. She blinks up at the messenger who is now across the room. “Sleep now, sweet one.” 

All she wants is to feel those lips again, but she does as she is told.

When Luna is sixteen, she accidentally bumps into a pretty redhead. She is not gorgeous in the way Gentiana is or elegant as everyone says Luna herself is. This girls’ beauty is in the natural commonplaceness of it. Orange freckles pepper her face highlighting the darker crimson of her hair. Her eyes are the color of jade and shy as they shoot south as she drops her head in a bow, currents of hair falling down. 

“I beg your pardon, my lady.” Her voice wavers.

Luna smiles, tone strong but kind. “Raise your head.” The girl does and Luna cannot look away. Her mouth is dry, the feeling of Gentiana’s lips against hers those years ago playing through her mind. “I am the one who bumped into you, and I apologize for doing so.” Luna is aware of the guards at her back when she offers, “Allow me to buy you a meal for the trouble I have caused you.”

“Oh no!” The girl cries, only to cover her mouth a second later, apparently embarrassed by her outburst. “I could not ask that of you.”

“But you haven’t,” Luna says with a smirk. “I am offering. It is rude to turn down a noble’s invitation, is it not?”

The girl is obligated to say yes, they both know it, but her heart still flutters when she does. 

They eat in public, surrounded by a thong of diners, a group of guards, and a busy street. It is the best Luna can hope for, but when she stares into the girl’s, Angie’s, eyes, it still feels like they are alone. She loves listening to her mundane stories and watching her lips curve up into a smile. Her hand reaches for hers beneath the table and her chest pounds when she takes it. 

Her lips tingle and she longs to lean forward and kiss her. 

She doesn’t. They say their farewells as the guards watch on in silence, all polite pleasantries. 

She writes to Noctis that night, her pen flying over the paper as she gushes about this pretty, charming girl. She’s heard so much about Ignis and she’s proud to finally be able to boast to him in turn. It was one maybe-date, but she’s lovesick anyway. She sighs when she closes the notebook and hands it out to Umbra who takes it into his mouth with a swish of his dark grey tail. 

He disappears from sight, and Luna pulls Pryna into her lap as she hums. Gentiana appears at some point and smiles silently. 

She made a mistake thinking she could have more. She’s never been allowed companionship and she isn’t allowed it now. The guards walk closer now, all around instead of just behind, trapping and guiding her movements. She never sees Angie again, but she also never forgets the color of her hair or the smile on her face. 

Once she tries to write to her the way she writes to Noctis, but no reply ever comes. There is no way to know if she chose not to reply or even got the letter at all. 

Luna refuses to think the empire did something to prevent her from replying. 

Still, she cries. It is stupid, she thinks, even as the tears flow freely down her cheeks. She barely knew her, but she wanted to. She wanted to know what it would feel like to know her and be with her. To be with anyone, open and honest and true. But she cannot have that. 

A hand strokes at her back, leaving chills in their wake. “I am so sorry.”

Luna twists and wraps her arms around Gentiana’s neck. She clings there, and Gentiana hums soothingly as the last of her tears dry up.

Now an adult, Luna is tougher. She’s felt the sting of heartache, felt the stirrings of lust, felt the blow of loss. Her brother has turned full traitor, fighting against the man she vowed her life to. 

She’s come to terms with what life as given her but she refuses to just play straight into the gods’ and empire’s hands without a struggle. 

She will commune with the gods. She will give up her life. She will  _ allow  _ Noctis to die. Because she has no choice as Gentiana has said so many times. But she will not lie down. She will not stop feeling, will not stop fighting. She may know the outcome, but she does not know the path. 

Noctis is coming to meet her for their proposed wedding. This is the beginning of the end. Long, nimble fingers trace the binding of her notebook as she sets eyes on the goddess nearby. “Gentiana,” she says, voice smooth. 

“Yes, sweet one?”

“Kiss me.” It is the demand of a queen. 

Gentiana looks at her with interest. Then, she crosses the room. She leans in, frigid air gusting into Luna’s face. Her lips are pleasantly cool when they touch hers. Gentiana places gentle hands on her shoulders, but Luna pulls her closer by the back of the hair. 

She doesn’t think she is in love with Gentiana any more than she is with Noctis, but she does not care. She is desperate. To feel the height of life that has been denied her. Her mouth opens, and soon, Gentiana’s does too. She jolts when their tongues meet, but in a good way. It is like icy electricity shooting through all her nerves and she moans, pushing herself closer to the woman. 

She pulls away only long enough to whisper, “make love to me.” Wind chimes echo through the room as ice trails down the curve of her back. The zipper of her dress is tugged down. Hands rub at her sides before peeling her white dress away. 

Her dress is white, much like a wedding dress, and Luna feels intensely pleased by this. This is for herself, but this is also to get back at the empire for attempting to steal this from her. This night will be her wedding night. At least, as much a wedding night as she could hope to have. 

Gentiana moves back to look at her. The dress is bunched around her waist, but her top is covered only by her lacy white bra. It isn’t lingerie but it isn’t modest either. This is not a spur of the moment decision on her part.

Gentiana smirks.  _ Smirks _ . 

Luna has felt lust before, but nothing like what she feels seeing this angel of a woman giving her that look. It only intensifies when her hands touch her again, unclasping the hook on the back of the bra. It falls away and her breasts sag to meet the chest below. 

Luna waits for her reaction, groaning when the smirk grows even wider. This she realizes is the difference between feeling turned on and horny. She presses herself flush against her, enjoying the chill it shoots to her bare nipples. She wonders if Gentiana’s clothes are even real or just an illusion, but she is too caught up in kissing her again to ask. The ice of her touch shoots outward across her skin but it is nowhere near enough. She wants to feel it everywhere and feel truly alive before there is no more life left for her to feel. 

She bites at her lip, and Gentiana gets the message, a hand coming to cup at a breast. 

Luna gasps, overcome with the cold sensation. Yes, she thinks. This is enough.

It is not enough. It could never be enough. Anyone who says they were able to do everything they wanted before dying is a liar. Anyone who says they gave themself peacefully over to death is a coward. 

Luna knew she would die. Knew she would die helping to lead Noctis to his own death. But she thought death would come slowly, that her life would fade bit by bit with each covenant. Never once did she think it would be by Ardyn’s blade and to the raging sea. 

She did not think it would be to the sight of Noctis, strong and beautiful and aching for her. She gasps in grief more than pain. She stretches out a hand for him. 

Ardyn must mistake it for an attempt to save herself because he stomps down on it hard. 

She cries out in pain, but she refuses to close her eyes on the sight of Noctis struggling toward her.

One blink, and Gentiana is there with that gentle sad smile of hers. 

The ugliness of Ardyn aside, this isn’t a bad way to die, Luna thinks. With her night and day, light and dark, shining at her. 

She has regrets just as everyone. She should have kissed Noctis, if only once. She should have stabbed Ardyn through with her staff. She should have ignored the guards and ran away with Angie all those years ago. But it is okay she realizes. 

She never had the chance to fall in love, but now she’s sure she did know what love was. She may have been nothing more than a pawn in this game played by the gods, but she made the best of it. 

She refused to give up and despair. She found some happiness how ever small. 

She lived.

As life finally slips away from her, comes one final thought.

_ I’m sure the dawn will be just as beautiful. _


End file.
